Day 4 ~ This Girl of Ours
Now she is 12. She is our story teller, song singer, cookie baker, animal lover, caring, loving, brave soul. She will speak her heart even if it scares her. She might get upset, but when the dust settles she always seeks compromise over conflict. She is loyal and loves deeply, lives with laughter, intensity and authenticity. It is true that our children are our greatest teachers...and I get schooled on the daily. xoxo
Day 1 ~ Flyer
We rescued Flyer as a puppy about 10 years ago. He's been a player in The Girlie's make believe games, wrestling buddy for The Boy, 'man's best friend' to The Man and my office buddy on and off for years. He loves to be a pillow, a playmate or just a silent companion. In other words he's been the dog we all always wanted. We do love him so. He's started to slow down a bit over the last year, but nothing had really prepared us for the downturn he took over the last week. He started to get a bit lethargic the over last weekend, and by Tuesday he had lost his vision. I was coming to grips with the fact that he may not make it through Thanksgiving. He was diagnosed with Diabetes on Wednesday. It really seems like the insulin injections are helping him swing back towards the middle a bit. While I've been grieving that he'll never be the Flyer that we knew before (the sudden onset blindness making it difficult for him to navigate in the ways he always has), I am so grateful that we have a diagnosis that will help us manage a healthier, longer life for him. It's moving me to tears on the daily, but it is such a lovely thing to see the kids shepherding Flyer into this next part of his life with tenderness, patience and just so much compassion. I'm not sure what comes next, but this gift of more time to love on our sweet dog, the way he's given us so much love over the years, has me feeling deeply grateful.
Dearest one....
As your mama, somehow you being *12* feels like we're standing at the edge of a precipice. Thirteen is next, and then the swirly, spirally teenage years are really underway. As I sit with this reality, I have a just a few things that I need to say out loud...
Please hold tight to your magical view of the world. Stow away a bit of that glimmer of light that twinkles in your eyes, so that as the years tick on, and the path may become less clear, that true light can guide you home. Back home to *you*...the you that right now is so sure of yourself and your place in this world. The you that sings and dances and laughs with your head thrown back until tears are streaming down your face. The you that is open to the wonder and joy of the world. The you that is smart, and dedicated and ready to work hard to achieve whatever you put your mind to. Keep that swagger of yours, but know when to own your mistakes and when to bend to the middle with words that will heal. I love you sweet girl, for ever and always. Thank you for choosing us....
Day 27 - retreating, family style
We've run away to the mountains. Just me, The Man and the kidlets. We've come to where our phones have no coverage, the internet is hit or miss, and we've only turned on the tv once this week (to check the weather before an excursion). Our muscles are sore, our cheeks are wind whipped, and speaking at least for myself here, the 'cup' is slowly refilling after months of depletion. It's so nice to retreat from the 'real' world with the people I spend the most time with in that world. To reconnect with their laughter, their stories, their points of view. It's a beautiful thing to see each one of these people I love so much, away from the grind of the days...watching their worries slowly lift from their shoulders, and in turn...my own.
Day 24 - Family
Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, cousins, in-laws...by blood, by marriage, by choice, by chance... family is beautiful and complicated, hilarious and unlike any other relationship on earth. We are collectively a loving mess of flawed human-ness and well-intentioned, compassionate, humanity. This time of year places the microscope firmly over the dance that we do with one another as a family, and if I think too long about it I start to feel anxious about the whole thing. But if I don't think about it, I just feel about it...I know one thing with absolute certainty: I'm so incredibly grateful that I have all of these people, this cast of players, in my family. There is no one who can make me laugh as hard, feel as deeply or teach me as much as this amazing group of human beings...
I'm behind on posting my gratitudes...but I'm not feeling behind in my gratitude....does that make sense?
Day 21 - This cousin love....
These two often times seem more like sisters than cousins. They spend every minute they can carve out together, whether it's sleepovers, phone calls or many hours on Skype (Skype, really could be it's own gratitude post.) We feel so incredibly blessed that they love one another as much as they do, and live in close enough proximity that they are able to spend quality time with one another...telling stories, trading marbles, digging holes and talking about the ways of the world.
Day 11 - The Man Child
This one that has been teaching me from the very moment he arrived on this earth. This one who is an inquisitive 5 year old, a boundary stretching teenager and an old curmudgeon soul all rolled into one. He's a gamer, an artist, a maker of things. He's quick witted, head strong and hilarious. He calls me on my shit, which isn't always pleasant, but is a sure-fire was to ensure that my personal emotional growth is never pushed too far the wayside. With this type of honesty, I always know exactly where we stand with one another. Parenting can often be turbulent and confusing, but he is so steadfast in his convictions that the clarity that he brings to the conversation eliminates a lot of the confusion. Sometimes there's no room to hem and haw about the 'right decision' or 'wrong decision', it's just 'the decision'...and moving forward. There is great simplicity in that....
Day 9 - Our New Holiday Groove....
So last year, just a few days before Christmas, the Santa bubble popped at our house. This year, every member of our household knew going into the holiday season that there is no Santa Claus. I tell ya...even typing that out is hard. If you don't observe the myth of Santa at your house, it may seem over dramatic that it bummed me out so much, but I think that letting go of any family ritual can be kind of sad after observing it for years, no? This year, I've had great trouble getting motivated to do all of the traditional holiday stuff we do as a family. Without writing Santa Letters, and mailing them off, it has felt like a bit of the magic is gone. It doesn't help that holiday merchandise is making it's way to the shelves earlier and earlier (October? Really?). That, coupled with the fact that it's been close to 80 degrees all week has made it hard to embrace songs about White Christmases, Jack Frost, or anything roasting by an open fire. The Girl has been asking to pull out the holiday boxes from storage for weeks, and I've been wholly unmotivated to do so. Luckily, The Man obliged, so that she could move forward with her decorating plans (and give us a breather from the non-stop questioning.) Then, this morning it bit me. That bug. The one where you realize that you're humming "The Little Drummer Boy"? Man, I love that song. Then, after a lazy morning, we made our way to the Cherrywood Art Fair, which we do every holiday season and I realized that there's no denying it...I'm all in. So...we picked a tree tonight, brought it home and Fi decorated it without much help at all from anyone. The Man sat in the living room admiring her fine decorating, while I baked up some cookies. The Teenager made an appearance, giving a quick nod of approval to the tree, and grabbing a cookie before retreating back to his room. All in all, I'd say it was a successful day, full of just the right amount holiday cheer. Only 16 more to go. Sloooooow and steady.......
Day 6 - This Girl of Mine...
This girl is the spice of my life. She's my number one cuddler, she lives big, she feels big, she teaches me daily to follow my heart. When I find that I'm trudging through tasks, she inspires me to lighten up a bit with her infectious laugh and ear-to-ear grin. She brings so much light to our world on the daily, and she makes a mean batch of cookies to boot....love this girl. Love. her.
Day 2 - This One
This one who has walked the walk for our family nearing on 17 years. If you've visited this blog before then you probably know that I am close to exhausting all of the adjectives in my own personal vocabulary to describe all of the things I appreciate about my husband (my sounding board, best friend, business partner and father to these kids of ours). Our lives have changed so much since we laid eyes on each other all of those years ago, but the core of who he is has been unwavering throughout and my gratitude is this: That our little pocket of the world has this man...because he is an uncomplicated, hard-working, exceptionally giving human being. I feel so unbelievably blessed to have found him...
