Bless Her Heart

30 Days with a Grateful Heart ~ Day 19

Day 19 ~ These hands...

My mother is modest, and incredibly humble and if I were to share a full photograph of her here, no matter how beautiful, she would squirm with uncomfortableness. And so we will focus on this part of her that I love so much. 

I can't remember my mama's hands not working at something. It seems that when there are four kids, there is always something to be done.

When I close my eyes and picture her hands the way I saw them as a younger child, I see her rubbing my father's shoulders, massaging my little brother's feet, trying to chase a headache away. I can feel her hand patting me on my back along to the music that she's humming while I have my head in her lap. I see her hands chopping vegetables, kneading bread, knitting, folding diapers, deftly pushing fabric through the sewing machine, making our clothes, and making a little extra money on the side.  I see her hands steadily working to care for us as littles and to provide for us in the way she knew best...learn how to do something new, apply a lot of elbow grease, repeat. As we grew a little older, mama moved into birth work her hands took on a whole new purpose. She's been a midwife for over 30 years now, and so I share these hands with just so many people. When I really think about that, my mind is blown....

My mama's hands have wiped a thousand brows of their sweat, glistening from the efforts of the hardest work there is

wiped away ten thousand tears of pain, of joy, of labor, of release

my mama's hands have welcomed the newest among us, sometimes with a little coaxing and always with a touch that promises that they will be cherished and that a kind and tender world awaits

massaged the roly poly thighs and tight little toes of those same growing babes

sometimes those babes grow up and become mamas, and the circle continues...

they hold, soothe, massage, empower, her hands keep delivering the message. 'You can do this'

her hands have held my hands, and maybe yours too

they've been intertwined with the hands of those elated in birth, and marriage, and celebration

soothed those in overwhelm, sadness, loss and the darkest depths of grief

my mama's hands are strong and steadfast in their purpose to deliver love and strength when we all need it the most, and I just have the deepest, purest gratitude for that.

30 Days with a Grateful Heart ~ Day 18

Day 18 ~ Gatherings

Still feeling the glow of celebrating my niece's birthday together with my siblings and my mama this past weekend. When we all gather together, I'm reminded of how incredibly lovely it is that we live so close to one another. I love our shared stories, swapped recipes, jokes and endless laughter. I'm so grateful that we can get together for birthdays, holidays, and sometimes...just because. 

30 Days with a Grateful Heart ~ Day 17

Day 17 ~ This Glorious Weather

As I scrolled through my Instagram feed this morning, I couldn't help but notice that so many of my friends that live on the East coast were posting photographs of huge snow drifts, half-shoveled driveways and thermometers showing sub-zero temperatures. While all of the winter wonderland pictures are beautiful, they make me cold just looking at them! I'm such a Texas weenie sometimes and I'll admit I was feeling particularly lucky to be living in Central Texas today. Bright blue skies and 70 degrees with full, beautiful, sunshine, windows open, skirt, flip flops, reading on the porch. Just heavenly. All of it. And dear friends on the East coast, lest you think I'm bragging...I'm fully aware that we pay for our winter nirvana in July and August when the temperatures soar above 100 degrees, sometimes for weeks on end. I also must admit that we've been known to drive out of state to find some snow, just so our children know that it's not just the stuff of fairy tales and the winter olympics. But not today. Today we stayed put and enjoyed all of the loveliness that is central Texas in winter. Now watch...I've jinxed it. :P

30 Days with a Grateful Heart ~ Day 16

Day 16 ~ Quiet Evenings

Tonight we decorated the tree, Auntie and I worked on a few gifts, we ordered pizza and then I cleaned the heck out of the living room while the kids retreated to their own spaces to prepare for tomorrow's mid terms. After crazy day of holiday traffic, shuttling kids, errands and work, I didn't make much time to focus on gratitude today. I looked up from doing the dishes, and saw the scene above. There's something about the warm glow of a Christmas tree...and of course, the lounging dogs. It was nice to take a little pause and realize right then and there that I was thankful for just that very moment. The glow, my companions in quiet and that I'd gotten every little dustbunny from the corners. It's the little things. 

30 Days with a Grateful Heart ~ Day 15

Day 15 ~ The Fixers...

Thankful that in this world of so many virtual things, we still have people who take real, life, tangible things apart to see how they work. It's that type of thinking that enables them to deconstruct, diagnose problems, fix them, and put them back together in working order. On this particular day, I happen to be referring to my husband, who will pull the steering column of his truck apart, or disassemble the front end of a car...sometimes out of curiosity, some times out of necessity, but always to leave it better than he found it.  On any other day, I might be referring to a tinkerer who repairs his sewing machine or vacuum cleaner, an appliance repair lady, a mama that fixes her own water heater or a papa who installs a a disposal in the kitchen sink. I'm thankful for those who have the patience, confidence and knowledge...and who share it openly, so that more people feel empowered to tinker and explore how things work.

30 Days with a Grateful Heart ~ Day 14

Day 14* ~ Music Teachers

I have the sincerest appreciation for music teachers that can hear through the initial cacophony of children learning new instruments and/or finding their singing voices. The patience that these teacher exhibit while the students slowly move towards finding the melody is such a gift. I had the great pleasure of attending the middle school music concert at The Girlie's school on Friday night. Time and time again, I was blown away at how much each musician has learned since the beginning of the school year, but even more impressive was how confident and self assured they all seemed. This was spotlighted by many instrumental and vocal solos throughout the night.  I was moved to tears many times during the evening, not necessarily because of the beauty of the music (although it was grand), but by the beauty of children feeling the music, and sharing with us, their love of it. I feel very much the same way about The Girlie's guitar/voice teacher, Sally. Often times I just sit outside the door with this ridicuous smile on my face while she and my girl work a piece of music out together. It's just a beautiful process to hear unfold. These teachers know that teaching music is about so much more than the notes on the page. It's self expression, perserverance, practice, collaboration, improvisation, confidence, creativity and so much more...They are the holders of that space while these kids acquire the musical building blocks they need to bring it all together. It takes a truly special kind of person to do it well, and I'm so thankful that we have them in our lives.  

*I meant to finish and send this post out last night, but stayed at a holiday party much later than expected so it got bumped to today. It's silly to clarify really, but I like to pretend that I have some sense of order in my life, and along those lines I feel the need to explain why I'm off track a little. A little neurotic, I know, but there you have it.

30 Days with a Grateful Heart ~ Day 13

Day 13 ~ A really, really good cup of coffee on a cold, rainy, winter's day.

30 Days with a Grateful Heart ~ Day 12

Day 12 ~ Holiday cheer, dammit...

It's been missing around these parts. All of our holiday trimmings are still in boxes, and since the move...I couldn't even tell you where the boxes are. Attic? Storage? Garage? I've been feeling grinchy, and even all of the beautiful pictures of trees decorated with generations of family ornaments have not kicked me out of this funk. Some years feel abundant and joyous. Some years are a bit more of a struggle. This year has felt a little low. Maybe it's because the kids are older and the mystery of Santa is no longer, well...mysterious.  Maybe it's because we've skipped a few of our annual holiday traditions due to scheduling conflicts. I just keep shoving those thoughts aways...and then I looked at the calendar yesterday. December 11th. The freaking eleventh??? I spent today having that panicky, oh my god, what about all the things we have to DO, thoughts? What about all of the places we have to GO? What about all of the things we need to MAKE? Will all of the people that we love know that we love them if we don't show them? We love a lot of people. And we want them to know they're loved. How will they know it if we don't do all of the stuff, and go all the places and make all of the things for all of them? I definitely got myself in a lather worrying about it. Not unusual for me this time of year. But a couple of things happened over the course of the day. First, I read this piece by my friend Beth. Wise words for sure. I also talked to my mama. And my sister. More wise words. So this afternoon on my way to pick up the kids, I had 45 minutes of solo car time to sit with all these stirred up feelings. A rush hour meditation as it were. This is what I've figured out. We love a lot of people. And when I can't be all the places and give all of the gifts and do all of the things for them, I'm afraid they won't feel loved and honored and appreciated in the way they deserve to be. When I just feel it, it makes me ache at the thought of it. But when I THINK about it? I see frantic runs to the craft store, grocery store, specialty store...mall (shudder). I see late night stitching and drawing and writing. I see overwhelm. Total overwhelm. Today for the first time, I saw it all laid out in front of me. And I released it. *poof* 

Here's the thing. All of the kind, loving people that I want to abundantly shower all of the things on? They would never want that for me or our family. They wouldn't want us to feel crazy in order them to feel loved up right. I know this because I would never want anyone to ever feel overwhelmed by caring for us. Like never ever. Love is funny that way.

And so now here I sit, feeling pretty damn good about things...and full of holiday cheer. Tomorrow we're gonna hunt down those boxes of all of the sparkly trimmings. Over the coming weeks we're gonna bake up some cookies and make up some ornaments or some such. And we're gonna meet each day with what wonderful thing might come, and who we might get to hug along the way. The thought of this feels really, really good. Happy Holidays, y'all.

30 Days with a Grateful Heart ~ Day 11

Day 11 ~ What these two have...

They have some big-time cousin, sister, bff kind of love. I feel so grateful that they have each other to pal around with, to adventure with, to skype chat with, to bake with. I love so much that they enjoy time in the kitchen together. The last time they were together they made me breakfast in bed. Breakfast...in BED. I can't remember the last time that that happened around here. So yeah, I'm pretty grateful for that too. :)

 

30 Days with a Grateful Heart ~ Day 10

Day 10 ~ The Photography Journey

I learn something new each time I pick up a camera. It may be something about my gear or the light, or something about composition, or it might be something deeper, something that is going on inside of me when I'm shooting....what lights me up, what moves me to want to take that picture? The world is rich with beauty and experiences just waiting to be noticed...and photographed. It has been a big year, personally with the launch of the website, and continued learning through several photography workshops like Now YOU, classes with Xanthe Berkeley and Kim Klassen. I've learned so much about allowing myself to feel vulnerable whether it's by publishing my work for the wider world to see or standing in front of the lens much more than I ever thought I would be comfortable with (see Now YOU). It has been nothing short of transformative for me. I feel grateful for my friends and family, and the community of artists and photographers that encourage me, teach me and challenge me to keep capturing the world around us through my lens.