Bless Her Heart

:: 30 Days with a Grateful Heart - Day 30 ::

Day 30 - 2011

I didn't really intend for this last gratitude to be so encompassing or so cliche, but as gratitudes have been swirling around in my head today, I just kept settling on thoughts of this year.  For me personally, there's just no denying that 2011 has been a year of change and adjustment, a year of new friendships, new work, and lots of growth. There have been years in the past that I've met the new year with resignation or kicked the passing year to the curb with a tongue lashing and good riddance. I'm not so naive to believe that tough years won't come again, but it just doesn't seem right to not acknowledge when things are groovy. I realized today that I'm looking forward to 2012 with curiosity and optimism and that's a pretty damn good feeling.  So thanks, 2011...it's been real fine. Real fine, indeed.

:: 30 Days with a Grateful Heart - Day 29 ::

Day 29 - The Camera...

This tool that keeps me learning. It keeps me chasing light, keeps me seeking, allows me to create an image when words are failing me.  It's a simple, little gratitude, but one that is oh, so important to me. 

:: 30 Days with a Grateful Heart - Day 28 ::

Day 28 - Music in the house

Music as self expression. That's what we've got going on over here. Lots of it. The teenager has headphones almost permanently inserted in his ears. It seems like he is discovering new music daily. He's very definitely at the age where he feels like his music choices help define who he is to the wider world, but at the same time he's excited to share all of the music he's finding.  The girl? Well, the girl, she sings and strums and writes and sings some more.  When she's upset, she goes to her room and sings.  When she can't sleep, I can hear her in her bed singing. The only way I can get her to take a shower some days is to remind her that she can always sing in there.  I love that we've reached an age where the kids are actively searching out what music means to them. It delights them. It comforts them. It moves them. And that moves me. Truly.

:: 30 Days with a Grateful Heart - Day 27 ::

Day 27 - Local Provisions

Every Wednesday, a beautiful basket of local produce (see above) appears on my doorstep from Farmhouse Delivery.  Most Saturdays, The Girl and I travel to the Farmers' Market where we pick up our other provisions from local growers and purveyors. We make the rounds, usually grabbing Tacodeli for the girl's breakfast and Pad Thai from Thai Fresh for mine. After breakfast we stock up at Dai Due, which we love, love, love. I crave their bread and butter pickles, pimento cheese and fresh condiments for the vegetarians in our family, and I buy their locally sourced meat for our omnivores. We visit Tecolote Farm, Johnson's Backyard Garden and Engel's Farm booths to round our our produce haul. We might need goat cheese from CKC and eggs from Milagro Farms. We often pick up preserves from Confituras (Can you say salted caramel pear butter?) There are so many incredible local products available for Austinites that I feel downright spoiled even typing this out.  I love that we can connect with the people who provide us with our food even though we live in a typical Austin-style suburban neighborhood. That Austin is excited enough about supporting local farmers that there are several Farmers' Markets in the area every week. That my children are learning that it's unnessary to have your food flown in from halfway across the country when you already have the best options right here at home. So, dearest local food growers and providers...my family and I are grateful to you.

:: 30 Days with a Grateful Heart - Day 26 ::

Day 26 - This (relatively) forgiving body of mine...

The late summer and fall brought many changes around here, new school for the girl, new job for this mama, new schedules for everyone.  The scheduling adjustments have been hard, and as hectic/active as most days feel, there still just hasn't seemed like there have been enough hours in the day to keep my body moving in the way that I need to.  Fast forward to now, almost 6 months later, and I've started feeling the effects of my relative absence from the running trail and gym.  The return to the gym had started to become a little mental obsession for me.  I'm reaching an age where doctor's warnings regarding exercise are common, and I found myself making excuses to not go run even once I had the time.  I realize that it was probably my subconscious being lazy or something but I started worrying that I am so lacking in general fitness that I would break something, strain something or even worse have a heart attack. Lucky for me The Man would have none of it, and encouraged me to reinstate our lapsed gym membership.  Soooo, first trip back? So blissfully normal. Hard? Yes. But my body did everything it was supposed to. Nothing cataclysmic happened. Nothing broke. Nothing ruptured. Just this creaky machine getting fired back up, slowly but surely. 

:: 30 Days with a Grateful Heart - Day 25 ::

Day 25 - These two...

Can I just say that it *could* be enough to just acknowledge that I am grateful for my mother-in-law and her dear husband? I know that not everyone feels this way about their in-laws, so I'll keep it short lest it seems like I'm bragging. For the purpose of this exercise, I'm gratituding (new verb!) them together, when in truth I could go on and on about each of them separately...but I'm running out of days and I'm sure they wouldn't mind. They are generous and kind, inquisitive and worldly, fabulous with one another and family centric to the tilt. Can I also add welcoming, gracious and encouraging? Oh! And man can they share a laugh! Full hearted, hilarious, contagious laughter that leaves your cheeks hurting. I feel incredibly blessed that they live just down the road a stretch and that we get to experience their warmth and love more often than most. xoxo.

:: 30 Days with a Grateful Heart - Day 24 ::

Day 24 - Loads of random, rambling gratitude...

I'm full up to the tippy top with family and love.  So many sweet gifts and never in the way I expect. I am constantly astounded and moved at the generosity of others.  I am grateful for small, special conversations that appear at just the right time for just the right reason.  I am grateful for moments stolen away from the wider world with my man. I am grateful for lovely, lounging family days. I feel grateful that my children are really learning to acknowledge their own gratitudes.  And tonight I am so grateful to retreat to this space with a good book and a cup of tea:

:: 30 Days with a Grateful Heart - Day 23 ::

Day 23 - The Man

*Fair Warning: Mushiness ahead. Skip this post if you are made sick by lovey-dovey talk.

If you have read here in the past then you know exactly how I feel about this man of mine. Almost 16 years we've been married and not a day goes by that I'm not reminded of how lucky I am to have him by my side. He's an inherently good man.  He's a fair papa with a great big heart. He works so. incredibly. hard. to take care of us, to take care of our business, to take care of everyone. He inspires me to be a better me, but loves me just as I am. What more could a girl ask for? Not one thing.

:: 30 Days with a Grateful Heart - Day 22 ::

Day 22 - Dear Santa, thanks for the memories...

The Girl walked into the kitchen last night and declared "You know I've outgrown Santa right?" I wasn't exactly surprised since she *is* 10 years old, but I thought that our little ruse might be salvagable. I asked her how exactly she thought she had outgrown Santa.  As she started explaining it to me, I started thinking about all of the little things we'd done over the years to keep the belief going.  It hit me that we wouldn't need to leave a plate of cookies out tonight.  That The Man and I wouldn't need to nibble the cookies and drink the milk at midnight. We wouldn't have to eat the reindeer's carrots leaving only the nibs as 'proof'. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and before I knew it she was saying "Oh, Mama! It's okay...we can still pretend" She started rubbing my back and tried to comfort me (the mama in this situation). I know it seems ridiculous,with all of the problems in the world that we face, but the thought that we'd just lost this little bit of magic in our family was bumming me out.  She wanted to continue talking about it and when we sat down on the couch to tconitnue on, I could see that all of her "I'm ready for the truth" had melted away and she laid her head in my lap. And then she cried. And cried. She said all of the things I had dreaded about mourning the magic that can never come back. About loving the mystery of Santa. About staying up all night and running downstairs to see sneaky thing Santa had done each year.  She told me she didn't want to not believe and that she wanted to go back to how things were before.  How she wanted a 'forget ray' to undo the moment that realized that Santa isn't real.  I remembered while I was comforting her that I had read this great letter a few weeks ago, and tried to convey the gist of it to her.  Feeling tongue tied, we ultimately just read it together. And she cried. This girl of mine has a big old heart and it's hard to watch her sort through feeling disillusioned.  While we were talking, I told telling her about all of the excitement we get to feel on the other side of knowing. How exciting it is to hold this really, really big special secret with such a large group of people that you don't even know. That you get to see the sparkle in the eyes of younger children who are so excited about Santa's visit. That as a secret holder you are part of a larger kind of giving. You know what really turned the tide for her?  When she realized that her brother, the same one that she bickers with, that can be a booger of an older brother, that has been known to say hurtful things (as all older brothers are known to do) had kept this secret for her. That in all of the heated arguments and words thrown sideways between them he had never spilled the beans.  That's when I told her that not only had he kept it a secret but that all of those emails back and forth with Santa years ago had been with him.  That he went and secured a Santa-sounding gmail account all on his own and started emailing her and responding to her (and her friends) kindly, and generously. I could see that it was starting to seep in that it can be great fun to be magical secret holder. It was such a long, lovely, poignant conversation during which I realized that we've been actively playing Santa for over a decade and hearing all about it from her perspective was so awesomely heart-warming.  I know it seems sappy, but there is an intangible holiday magic that I embrace and try and help weave through our family at this time of year. While I was tucking her in (at midnight) she whispered to me "Mama, there's still a part of me that believes".  Indeed little girl, indeed.

:: 30 Days with a Grateful Heart - Day 21 ::

Day 21 - The Makers

Grateful to be surrounded by and inspired by makers everywhere I turn. Our house has been buzzing with activity for the last week, amping up for gift exchanges.  I love to watch my children sit down and dedicate themselves to a craft, especially knowing that they are creating a gift for someone they care about.  One of my favorite things about this time of year is all of the busy-ness of hands and translations of the heart through making gifts.  Gives me goosebumps just thinking about it....