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Posted at 02:10 PM in Food and Drink | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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I've always been drawn to older ways of doing things: cooking, handwork, sewing. Often times you hear people say they feel like they were born in the wrong era. I have felt that way my whole life. I love my fancy gadgets and technology, but I feel like I always have one foot in a slower, more deliberate way of life. About 10 years ago I was at an estate sale with my mama. We were there scoping out an old treadle sewing machine (still in it's wooden shipping crate from years and years ago). We decided to make the investment and I meandered into the kitchen where the cashier table was. While I waited in line I noticed that all of the cookbooks and kitchen knick knacks were still laying around. When I asked the cashier how much the cookbooks were he replied that I could make an offer because they were planning on hauling off what was left at the end of the day. I picked up a copy of the Joy of Cooking and underneath was a small file box of recipes. "Ten dollars for both?" I could tell he thought he was getting the better end of the deal, but I knew better. When I got home I laid down on the floor in front of the fireplace and took out each recipe, one by one. This was the recipe box of one Mrs. O.P. Breland. No one famous or spectacular in any public fashion, but her box of recipes was like opening up a time capsule. Un. Believable. There were recipes written on the back of old laundry order forms dating back to 1945. There were clippings from newspapers from around the country. There were so many recipe cards exchanged at church and over bridge scrawled on calendar pages and calling cards. I spent hours and hours pouring over each little scrap of paper. I continue to be astounded that someone was just going to toss all of that history. There are big chunks of time that were not the best time for cuisine in our country historically speaking. Apple Sauce Salad or Spam in a Blanket anyone? She also has some really simple but incredible recipes. I will post the recipe for Coffee Crispies in a bit. When I look through her recipes and all of the different women who gave her their recipes, I feel connected to them in some strange way. I feel this fierce guardianship...a need to protect the heritage of all of these recipes. I was joking with the Man the other night that I should cook each recipe in the box Julie and Julia style but I don't think I could do it. Julie may have had to bone a duck, but she didn't have to make and consume Sea Foam Salad Mold (serves 6). To bring this story full circle (kind of): The next week was my birthday and my parents watched the boy so that the man and I could have a little time to ourselves. One of my favorite things to do in Austin is to spend way too much time at Uncommon Objects. It's an antique/vintage finds store that is set up booth style with individual sellers. I walked into one of the booths, I looked down and saw a box of beautifully preserved rosette style candles in a box. When I picked up the box I glanced at the lid laying next to it (see below)
Now. I know that this only means that this seller (clear across town) was at the same estate sale that I had been at the week before. I get that. I choose however to think of it as a little something more. Kind of like a thank you or acknowledgement that I respect and honor Mrs. Breland's past and will continue to marvel at the record that she left behind in her recipes. I'm funny like that.
Posted at 01:22 PM in Books, Food and Drink, Photography | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
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I think I have to double up on gratitude today in order to stay on schedule. There are worse things right? I'm counting the days till ornament night. I don't know why we even call it that, nothing actually get hung on a tree...but it's what we call it anyway. The pictures above are from last year's ornament night. It's basically an evening of holiday creation where the whole family comes together with clay, wood, felt, bells, trimmings and anything else we can find in our craft boxes. I absolutely love watching what all the different family members come up with. This is one of those family traditions that we have done on and off since I was a kid, and I love pulling out the ornaments each year and laughing about the ridiculous things we've created over the years.
Posted at 01:37 PM in Family | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
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I knew all along today (read:yesterday) what I was feeling grateful for. It is only fitting that I am so late in posting what it is. Last night, I rolled in from a late, late night with my Mama friends started writing all about how warm and fuzzy I was feeling about them, and promptly fell asleep (with my computer in my lap). As a young woman I only really had 1 great female friend...everyone else I kept at a distance. Most of the activities I did in my life where primarily male dominated, so those were the people that I hung out with. Somewhere along the line I developed an actual aversion to friendships with women. They seemed too difficult, dramatic, untrustworthy. For years my mama seemed to be trying to 'set me up' with different clients of hers. She had rich friendships within her mother's group as well as long standing friendships with a handful of women and she wanted the same thing for me. "You need a friend", she would say to me. "Nah, I'm good" was always my response. When the boychild was a baby I felt like I was on an island. I felt so isolated in all of the pain and confusion of being a new mother...but I thought that's just the way motherhood is so why complain about it? All the other mama's I met, magazines, books and t.v. shows made it look like it was pretty easy. I didn't see anyone else complaining, or acknowledging how hard it was, so I thought it was just motherhood and I just wasn't doing a very good job at it or something and I should suck it up. The girl was born 4 years later. I had found a bit of a stride as a mother, but there was still this built up feeling inside of me that I was flailing...but you just don't really talk about that out loud or someone might think you're crazy or unfit to have your children. I was flipping through a Brain, Child Magazine when the girl was about 1 1/2 years old and stumbled upon an ad for Austinmama.com. What was this local site that I had never heard of? I am not exaggerating one bit when I say that that moment changed my life forever. I devoured every written piece on that site and wanted more, more, more. Here was a site that acknowledged how incredible motherhood can be, but it also was the first place I had ever seen anyone talk about how hard it really is. How raw and thankless and absolutely tiring it could be. I promptly signed up for the message boards, and I think at the time there were 35 local mamas on it? There were women near me who were talking about the same issues that were kicking my butt on a daily basis...and they were cussing where necessary. I think that was 2003? The message board moved over to a Yahoo group and has grown to over 1900 mamas. That in itself is so amazing to me. But what is personally very dear to me is that from that initial group of women I am blessed to count my dearest friends. It took me being on my emotional knees to admit to myself that I needed friends in my life. It took reaching out to a virtual world of local women to break that ice for me...but now I just honestly cannot spend enough time with my mama friends in real life. I don't need the Yahoo Group like I used to. My kids are older and I don't feel so ragged all the time. But the friendships that were formed while traveling that road are invaluable to me and continue to grown and evolve and include more and more mamas. The love is deep for them, and I know theirs is deep for me...and that is just absolutely incredible to me. I am so, so grateful.
Posted at 12:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)
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Somewhere along the line I started refusing help in the kitchen from the kidlets. I was overwhelmed and tired by the end of each day, and the thought of having to slow down for my 'helpers' in order to get dinner on the table was just to much to deal with. I feel like an awful mama just typing that out, but it's the truth. It sounded like more work to have the help than to not...so I started sending them out of the kitchen while I scrambled to get dinner on the table. It seems like this lasted a couple of years. The problem was they started to feel like the kitchen was alien to them. I started getting requests from the other rooms... "Mama, will you make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"..."Mama would you pour me some juice?" I noticed that I started to feeling a little resentful. I know they are perfectly capable of doing those things. Did they think I was their maid?? I even asked that question. Several times. I have been remembering lately that when I was the boy's age I had one night a week that I made dinner for the family. By myself. So why was he asking me to get him water? I had created a no-win scenario in our house where I had booted them out of the kitchen but was miffed that they were continually asking for things from the kitchen. Sometimes I just lack basic common sense I guess. So when we moved to this house last spring I made a conscious decision to put a stop to this cycle. It was frustrating for everyone involved and it didn't serve any purpose. My job didn't actually go any faster because I kept stopping to shoo them out of the kitchen...and who wants to cook (one of my favorite things to do in this world) when you are feeling all tweaked? If you've seen Like Water for Chocolate, you know where these things can lead. Luckily for me they didn't really skip a beat when I started asking for them to take care of their own snacks and drinks. They comfortably found their way back without holding it against me. It's so nice watch them navigate the kitchen independently. We are really loving these baking kits that I have written about before by Zebra Kits. It does the heart good to watch the girl make cookies all on her own and clean up after herself...or watch the boy boil pierogies and then crisp them in the frying pan, because that's how he likes them. They've started making up their own recipes. Hello...rosemary chapatis? Exciting times in the kitchen!
Posted at 10:05 PM in Family, Food and Drink | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Some days are just so trying. Today there was an undertow of crabbiness around this place that seemed like it would never let loose. When things get like that it feels like the prevailing mood feeds off of itself and by the time the evening rolls around we have reached critical mass. We had a few after school errands to run before heading home...and if I had taken the time to really be in the moment, I would have understood how close to the emotional edge we were and headed straight home instead. When we left the bookstore 1 out of 2 of us was in tears, and by the time we arrived home we were a perfect 2 for 2. It's easy when things are so raw to feel sorry for myself and the same questions always pop in my head. How are we here? Why are my children talking to me that way? How in the world could they possibly feel like it's okay? Where did I go wrong? Everything can feel so bleak in those moments. I woke up this morning feeling grateful for artichokes, and by the time 5:00 rolled around I felt like I was barely holding on by my nubby little parenting fingernails. Once we walked in the door everyone retreated to their respective spaces for a little while. After a bit, the girl (who was still crying) came and sat in my lap on the couch. We quietly started talking about the things that were upsetting to her. The longer we spoke the more settled we both became. I noticed that she started taking long breaths and encouraged her to take a few extra deep breaths with long exhales. As we cuddled she reminded me that taking deep breaths and a big drink of water always helps her calm down. Somewhere my Papa is smiling. A bit later I was trying to get control of the mess in the kitchen when the boy came in and asked to 'have an adult conversation". He spoke honestly of his frustrations and also of his personal limitations when it comes to communication skills. It's so difficult to watch him try and navigate the boundaries of intense conversations when I'm usually part of the conversation at the same time. I realize that often times kids can be the hardest on family because it is a safe place to push boundaries. You know that your parents and aunts, uncles, grandparents love you and are not going to reject you because you have a bad day. Lord knows I acted that way when I was a kid. I lose sight of that sometimes when I'm in the middle of one of the really tough days. It's hard to remember that they are being rude or out of control because they feel loved enough to let their guard down and allow themselves to release their bad mood, anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, whatever. So I guess this is a very long way of saying that I'm feeling grateful that by the time the evening came to an end we were able to come back to center...and that it was the kids that led the way with deep breaths and honest conversation. I'd be lying if I didn't also say that I am so grateful that tomorrow is a new day.
Posted at 10:10 PM in Family | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
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The girl exclaimed that these tomatoes are so beautiful that they look like Easter eggs. I have to say I agree. We've been munching on them all day, along with some incredibly delicious swiss cheese from Brazos Valley Farms. Although tomatoes compliment so many things, what I love most about about them is how yummy they are on their own. In all their simplicity, I've never had a subtle tomato...you always know exactly what your gonna get. Pow!
Posted at 06:10 PM in Food and Drink | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Day 13: Stretching (just a bit)
These kids...sometimes I just have to wonder how we all ended up together in this family. I mean, I know HOW we ended up here...but I guess I mean, I wonder why. With the boy, it's obvious to me that we both got what we could handle when we could handle it. Lots of butting heads and emotionally bumping up against each other as we learned how to communicate with each other. It certainly wasn't the easy way, but we were (and continue to be) winging it to some extent. There's no looking for the parenting lesson when it comes to our boy..the lesson comes looking for you, and often times knocks you squarely in your jaw just to drive the point home. When the girl came along we had finally kind of caught our stride with the boy (he was 4). I have 3 younger siblings: 2 brothers and sister. We'll just say that Auntie (the sister) was quite the tomboy in her youth, as I had been myself. Growing up that way I just assumed that childhood was full of rough and tumble, skinned knees, dirty nails and all around ragamuffiny behavior. Having the girl really threw my understanding of childhood play for a loop. Now...don't get me wrong, she can climb trees with the best of them and she plays first base like a champ, but there is this whole other part of her that is so foreign to me. I marvel at her accessories and sparkle. She begged me to curl her hair this weekend, but not until she put on her red velvet dress. She loves dangly earrings and polished fingernails, lipsmackers and bobby socks trimmed in lace. Huh? These are the types of things I rejected out of hand when I was her age. But isn't that the way? There has to be something, right? Something that makes you stretch a bit in your understanding of your children...something to be accepting of and amused by at the same time. I guess it's teaching them that you can love a person even when sometimes you don't exactly 'get' them. I know there's plenty of times they don't 'get' me, so it's nice to have a lesson you can laugh at together sometimes.
Posted at 10:12 PM in Family, Photography | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
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Day 12: Making Christmas, Making Christmas...
Today marked the first day of holiday crafting around these parts, hence the delay in my gratitude post. I figured that I had better get started on the Christmas cards as the days are ticking by. It always takes me a little while to get the ball rolling because it seems like such a production, but in reality it doesn't take a monumental effort to put your own touch on the cards you send to loved ones. Once I got started I remembered how much I really...I mean really enjoy sitting down and creating with bits and bows and glitter. It's a silly little thing...but I feel like I have accomplished something creative...in a relatively small amount of time. Lest you think I am some type of crafty goddess who gets all types of crafty stuff done in a timely manner, you should know that when I pulled out the card stuff this morning I found several cards from last year, in their addressed envelopes. Yep. I hadn't even sent them. This year I plan to do better. :)
Posted at 08:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Day 11: The (practically almost) Uninterrupted Shower
There is almost nothing like it. The man likes to tease me about the length of my showers...but then his are rarely interrupted by the bickering of children or constant requests for refills on breakfast. I rarely intend for my showers to be so long...and on weekdays they are indeed short and efficient, but weekend showers are a whole 'nother thing. Every once in a while I am treated to a long uninterrupted shower where I am left not only with my own thoughts, but enough time to let them be washed away. When I was a kid, I used to hide out in long showers. I would sit in the tub and close my eyes, let the water pound on my back and pretend that I lived in a temperate rain forest. My weekend showers now are like the grown up version of the same escape. There's not much that can't be fixed by a few moments to myself in the shower. The kids have kind of figured out that it's in their best interest to let me have my time because it's like I come out a whole new mama, a little more patient and a lot more relaxed. I don't think we ever make it all the way to the very end without someone knocking on the door...but if they wait until I'm nearly done, I don't even really care. Like I said...a whole new mama.
Posted at 09:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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