13 Years

On the balcony, originally uploaded by Bless Her Heart.

Many of you have heard my sappy stories about how Matt and I ended up together...and those of you who know me well, know that I will probably never stop retelling them...so feel free to skip to the pretty pictures.

I met Matt when I was adrift in a life of youthful adventures...a life that I generally think of fondly, but am often appalled at when I stop and think about the details of. I was floating around from experience to experience with no one to answer to, very little responsibility and very little to show for my days, which turned into weeks and then years as a whitewater raft guide out in North Carolina. We knew each other from around work. We worked in different departments but traveled in the same circles, dated mutual friends, frequented the same watering holes...not hard to do when you live/work in a fishbowl, but there you are.

One night we were all hanging out waiting for our friend Jeannie to get off work. We were all chatting and laughing and being social...Matt turns to me, takes my hand under the table and says, "You know I'm going to marry you some day, right?". Now, he and I weren't even dating at the time...just hangin' with our collective posse. I burst out laughing, and then replied, "I know that".

We never looked back. I think we were married 5 months later? My soul breathed a sigh of relief the day he looked at me straight in the eyes. It was like "OH! There you are!" I feel like I started growing up for real from that moment. He brings out the best in me, inspires me and expects the most out of me every. single. day. He's the one that holds me up when I feel like the world is pressing in and he's the one that picks me up when I fall flat on my freakin' face. I sometimes feel guilty that I've got it so good. How can it be, or what did I do in a last life to deserve this man? this marriage? this father of my children? Or even worse...what do I have to give up later in payment for the golden time I have had with him? I think maybe I read too many religious stories when I was a kid. I have that "you don't get something for nothing" dogma shit implanted firmly in my psyche. Is it a pound of flesh, you think? Matt and I work hard at a lot of things...but our marriage is pretty effortless and full of lots and lots of love. I feel like I shouldn't say those words out loud. That I might jinx something...or offend someone. But the bottom line is I love my man, from the deepest places in my heart, and I just don't have adequate words to express how blessed I feel that he has been with me on this road to womanhood, parenthood, marriegehood, for these 13 years.

No sour grapes, people...I'm in love. <3